You used to be my Heart Not my Soul
by GemmaMare
Summary: Seth is struggling to cope after two of his best friends, Quil and Embry, abandoned him and Jake to join the pack of protectors led by Sam Uley. After making a promise to Seth, Jake is the next to leave him. And Seth? Seth can't even deal with this right now. He thought that Jake might've been it for him. Now... He's not so sure. A.N. There is a happy ending, I promise.
1. Prologue

**Authors Note: Here is the Prompt, given to me by WolfJas04. So thanks to him; Go see what he's got.**

 ** _"I was listening Haunted by Taylor swift and then I thought the lyrics would make a really good story but I don't really know how to write a story so I just gave it to you, because you can make it into a great story._**

 **Prologue**

A maroon sky casts a soft red glow across La Push, momentarily breaking through the thick barrier of clouds normally encasing the sky. The ocean is a bright sparkling purple along First Beach, the white foaming waves gently caressing the shoreline.

Sitting back against his hands, Seth Clearwater sighs in content as his head clears and a silent breeze makes its way across the beach where he lays.  
He doesn't look up when he hears the rustling of sand behind him. He already knows who it is. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his best friend, Jacob Black, settle down next to him. For a few minutes, they just sit there in the silence. When Jake finally speaks, his voice is a gentle tone that Seth has only ever heard Jake use with him.

"You know I won't ever leave you, right Seth?"

You see, about two weeks ago, their other two best friends, Quil Ateara and Embry Call had gotten very sick. It only lasted a few days before they were completely fine again, but after that neither one of them had spoken to him or Jake. And Seth had no idea why. The four of them used to do everything together. They spent all day every day with each other. They were practically inseparable.  
And what made it worse, was that along with shoving Seth and Jake out of their lives, they had decided to fill their spaces with none other than Sam Uley's gang. Oh wait sorry; they were protectors. The thought of the so called "protectors" of La Push made him want to sneer in disgust. And then when he thought about how his two former "best friends" had now joined them made him want to cry.  
He didn't even notice when Jake pulled his now shaking form into his lap. Only when Jake began stroking his head and started whispering apologies was he finally drawn out of his thoughts, only to realize that he really was crying. This only made him cry harder, and he clung to Jake, burying his face into his neck while Jake continued to murmur praises and endearments into his temple, rocking him back and forth like he was soothing a baby.

He didn't know how long this went on. But eventually, he found himself just sitting in Jake's lap, snuggling into the strong chest, which he now noticed was bare. This didn't deter him, however, and he continued as Jake's equally strong arms wrapped tighter around his lithe frame. For some reason he couldn't explain, being held like this comforted him more than he ever thought it would. Once again, he sighed in content.

They didn't leave until the sun was almost set. Jake helped him stand and wrapped an arm around him as they made their way to Jake's truck.


	2. Chapter 1

When they got to his truck, Jake opened the passenger door for him before closing it and moving around to the driver's side. He started the car and began the drive back to Seth's house. The ride was silent, but Seth liked it. After his breakdown on the beach, holding a conversation like a normal person would have been too much for him. The day was winding down to a close, and the air was that comforting warmth with a bite of the nighttime chill to come. So Seth was extremely surprised when he glanced at Jake and found him drench in sweat. He might've done a double take.

"Jake, are you alright!"

Jake had begun panting softly, and when he responded, his voice was breathy.

"I'm not sure. It's so hot in here."

Seth held his comment on how not hot it was, and instead began looking around the cab for something to dry Jake. That much sweat couldn't be healthy, especially when it really wasn't hot out. But when he couldn't find anything, he simply reached down and pulled his shirt off, and handed it to Jake, who was trying to stare at him in shock and look at the road at the same time. After a moment, Seth raised an eyebrow and asked,

"Well?"

Jake finally managed to stutter out,

"I…uh… I can't drive and dry off at the same time."

Seth huffed out a breath, but blushed heavily when he realized that he would have to be the one to dry the sweat. Off of Jake's entire body. Oh god, did his face catch fire?  
Seth swallowed and nodded slightly.

With slightly shaking hands, he reached out his hand with his shirt hanging limply from it and tentatively touched it to the top of Jake's rounded bicep. Jake still hadn't put a shirt on; he almost never did in the summer. And of course Seth had seen Jake without a shirt on; they went swimming all the time after all. But doing this, wiping him down…

He was so acutely aware of the way the fading sun caught on the droplets running down Jake's face and neck, making him have an ethereal glow; the way his incredibly bronzed chest rose with his heavy breaths, his pecks expanding and contracting; the way the rivulets of sweat navigated their way between the hard ridges of his abs…

Seth swallowed thickly and took deep breaths that were almost as needing as Jake's. He focused on running his shirt up Jake's arm to gently wrap around his neck and clean the skin there, before moving further up mop at Jake's temples, being careful as to not obstruct Jake's view of the road.

Then he moved back down, taking the sweat with him as he went. He felt like he was simply caressing Jake's skin, barely doing anything except picking up the drops. So he increased the pressure, kneading the cushioned muscle of Jake's pecs. He was rewarded, and surprised, by the loud groan that rumbled from Jake's throat as he sank back into the seat.

"God, Seth. That feels so good."

Seth smiled softly continuing with just a little bit more pressure, which made Jake groan again. For some reason, he felt elated that he was able to achieve that reaction from Jake. He felt like it was such an accomplishment.

He continued moving down, massaging deep into Jake's abdomen, making said recipient inhale sharply and roll his head back to rest on the seat behind his head as he stretched out into Seth's ministrations.

Seth went back up and repeated the same process to the rest of Jake's body, until the other man was just a puddle of muscle under his hands.

When he was finally finished, Seth sat back in own seat with a deep exhale of satisfaction. His back ached from leaning over for so long, and his from his fingers to his shoulders, he throbbed. But he had also never felt more proud of himself in his entire life.

"Wow, Seth."

Said person looked back up to Jake's face, only to see pride and gratitude shinning in his eyes. Seth felt his face flame again, but he didn't look away.

"That was amazing. Thank you Seth."

If possible, his face got hotter. He ducked his head murmured his welcome. He saw Jake smirk out of the corner of his eye.

"You're so cute, puppy."

Seth's head shot up and he scrunched his nose at Jake's old nickname for him. When they were younger they used to play games like that, where Jake would be the Big Bad Wolf and Seth his little puppy. For Jake, the title stuck, and he still called Seth by it when he was feeling particularly affectionate.

Jake just chuckled at his expression before popping his door open and hopping out. Seth looked up, only to find them parked in front of his house and that it had turned twilight (A.N: I cannot believe I just went there.)

Seth turned his back when Jake opened his door. Jake offered his hand, as if he were an old fashioned gentleman. Seth smiled, absolutely charmed, and placed his hand on top of Jake's. Jake led him down to the ground, but Seth wasn't expecting what happened next.

Jake wrapped his arm around Seth's upper back before he swiftly leaned down and scooped him up under his knees. Seth flailed around until he managed to wrap his arms around Jake's neck.

Seth glared half-heartedly at Jake while he caught his breath. Jake smirked back.

Seth huffed and rolled his eyes, but settled back into Jake's arms as he carried him up the steps and onto the porch, where Jake leaned back down and gently rested Seth's feet on the ground. But when Jake didn't move his arm, Seth looked up in question…

Only be attacked by Jake's tongue as it ran up his face.

"Gah! Jake!"

Jake snickered as Seth scrubbed at his face with his hand. God, Jake was acting weird. He hadn't done that since they were little and played as wolves. It was almost as if…

Seth looked at Jake up and down. Jake raised an eyebrow in the universal gesture of 'What are you doing?'

Seth took a deep breath…

"Are you high, Jake?"

Absolute silence.  
Then…

The once calm night was filled with Jake's hysterical laughter. Seth blushed as Jake leaned over to place his hands on his knees as his got control of himself.

Finally, he came back up for air, still shaking. He took deep breaths until he was able to speak.

"No Seth. I'm not high."

Seth scrunched up his nose in a played up act of affront, turning his head up and sniffing for good measure. Jake just shook his head again.

"You are so cute."

Seth gaped at him, now actually affronted.

"Am not!"

Jake smirked, grabbing Seth around the waist and pulling him up close. Seth rested his hands on Jake's chest, frowning when he felt his skin.

"Jake, you're really hot."

Jake's smirk grew devilish.

"Why thank you. I could say the same about you."

Seth slapped his chest light, though his face was lit up with his blush.

"Come on, I'm serious. Do you feel okay?"

Jake sighed and gave him an exasperated look, his smirk going soft. He leaned down nuzzled into the side of Seth's neck.

"I promise, pup. I feel completely fine now. Stop worrying about me so much."

Seth huffed, but didn't continue. So he just stood there, running his hands through Jake's hair as said man continued to cuddle him close.

But eventually Jake pulled back with small smile of regret. Seth returned it in kind.

"I should leave you to get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow, alright?"

Seth couldn't help the sad turn to his smile.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow, Jake."

Jake leaned back in and pressed a kiss to Seth's temple. Seth closed his eyes and tilted his face up slightly, pushing into it. He sighed softly in content. He felt like he could just stay like this forever, with Jake taking care of him like this, loving him like no one does.

But soon Jake actually had to go, and he pulled back, smiling so, so sweetly at Seth.

"Remember my promise, Seth. I'm never leaving. You're stuck with me forever."

Seth nodded, never looking away from Jake's eyes.

"I won't ever forget."

And as Jake walked away, Seth whispered into the silent night,

"I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave."

He could have sworn that he saw Jake smirking once again as he drove away. But there's no way he could have heard…

Right?

 **Whoo! Alright, first chapter. Yay! I used so many adjectives, like, I think I broke my Thesaurus! But there it is.**

 **By the way guys, I just want to say that my best friend and her boyfriend are going to be joined by their little baby girl on July 4. So congrats for them!**


	3. Chapter 2

**This part is in Jacob's POV.**

Jake pulled up to his house before leaning back and resting his head on the headrest of his seat.

He had just dropped Seth off at his house. The problem was that he couldn't get that massage out of his head. God that had been amazing. Jake hadn't realized how tense he had been until Seth had started massaging his pecs.

But he had another problem.

Almost as soon as he had driven away from Seth, he had felt his muscles lock back up and then his head had apparently decided to join the party as well, as it also began throbbing. He had the inexplicable urge to turn straight around and get Seth to work his magic again. The impulse was so strong, he felt like he was fighting against his very nature to keep on driving away.

He sighed heavily, then winced when that simple action seemed to aggravate every muscle. He carefully climbed out of his truck, then leaned down, resting his hands on his knees.

God, his head. He had never had anything hurt as much as this did. He took a deep breath before standing straight again. He stumbled, when he heard a howl sounding in the dark. It almost sounded… Demanding. He looked around, eyes finally landing on the tree line.

He took one step, then another. Before he really knew it, he was standing at the tree line.

The howl called again. It sounded more persistent. Impatient. He stepped forward, and was immediately swamped in the darkness of the forest, the cool air still in the night.

He took another breath. His headache was gone.

He broke into a run, leaping over fallen branches and roots as if he had been doing it all his life.

A loud mournful chorus of howls resounded at his action. Their grief at another casualty found echoed across the night.

 **Back in Seth's POV.**

Jake lied.

He left him, just like he promised he never would.

Seth was all alone.

He couldn't count how many times he had called. How many times he had texted. Left long voice mails, ranging from questioning, to concerned, to desperate, to angry. He didn't feel guilty; why should he.

Jake was the one who left him.

It had only been three weeks after all… It felt like an eternity.

Jake wasn't even at home. Seth should know, he had gone over every day the first week, practically interrogating Billy on his son's whereabouts.

"He's out with friends." Is what Jake's dad would always say.

And that?

That hurt so much. Because that meant what? That he wasn't Jake's friend anymore?

So he just stopped. Stopped the calls, the messages, the visits - everything. He stopped going out, too. He spent his days lying in his bed, only ever leaving to eat or use the bathroom. But even those trips were dwindling.

His pillow was permanently stained with his tears. He couldn't even remember crying. He doesn't really remember anything really. All he can think of is his pain. He has his moments when he thinks about what he's doing, and he feels so pathetic that he has allowed it to affect him this much. But then he will remember why he's hurting in the first place and the tears come again.

His mind is filled with the memory of that moment, when Jake made his promise. And how Jake comforted him.

And he doesn't really feel betrayed. He just feels… sad. Sad and hurt. Before any of this happened, he had never realized how much he actually relied on Jake. How much he depended on his presence, and how that was what was most comforting to him.

Before now, he didn't know that it was possible to feel this much pain in your heart.

He knew his family worried about him. Especially since they had had no idea what was really going on. They only found out after Leah had forced it out of him a week ago.

Flashback -

His door banged open, letting his sister, Leah, into his room.

"Alright, that's it. Mom and Dad and I are sick and tired of seeing you walk around sick and tired. I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell has been going on with you recently. So spill, little man."

Seth stared resolutely at the window across from his position where he lay on the bed.

Leah waited another few moments before sighing in defeat. She walked over to his side of the bed and laid her hand atop where his were curled together.

"Seth come on. We are all really worried about you. Please…talk to me."

He was silent for only another moment before he couldn't take it anymore.

"Jake…"

Leah leaned forward, her short hair falling past her ear. She squeezed his hands gently.

"What about him?"

Seth bit his lip, trying to hold back. He didn't want to break down in front of his sister. But then a single sob escaped him. It broke the dam that he had building up ever since Quil and Embry left them.

Tears fell freely down his face as he clutched his sister's hand and sobbed out the whole story to her. From Jake's promise on the beach to everything that had happened in the past two weeks.

Leah just held him close, rocking him back and forth as she tried to soothe him.

It was so reminiscent of that moment on the beach, that it only made Seth cry harder.

And for what seemed like the millionth time that month, Seth cried himself to sleep.

End Flashback -

He shook himself out of his reverie.

After a moment, he took a deep breath before standing up.

It was only about mid-day. He had enough time.

He went about his business, and for the first time in three weeks, he got ready to out. Out of his room, out of his house.

He was going to go over to Jake's house and he was going to stay there until Jake appeared and then he wouldn't leave until Jake told him whatever it was that was wrong with him.

He would stay, until Jake explained himself.


	4. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:  
After a very long time, here is the next chapter. Please forgive me for the… I'm not even sure how long wait. I've been going through some problems, attempting to go completely against my nature and be organized for once, and things have mostly settled down. I haven't even written in my spare time, so I hope you know that it has been hard on all of us.**

 **In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this!**

Seth kept his word, even if it was just to himself.

Though he supposed it wasn't a real test his will. He only had to wait a few hours.

Billy let him stay. Seth suspected that was partly because he knew what was going to happen, but he also thought that Billy knew the reason why Jake had stayed away. For some reason, Seth wasn't mad about that. He knew that if Billy did know the reason behind all of this, then it was for a good reason itself. Particularly that he was honoring his son's choices. Now, whether those choices were good or bad… that was all Jake.

But in the meantime, Billy was kind to him. He greeted Seth at the door, as if he had been expecting him; He talked to Seth, like they had before Jake abandoned him; He made dinner and they continued talking during that. Which Seth appreciated, really. It didn't fill the gaping chasm in his heart where Jake had been…but it helped in a way.

Soon enough though, it got dark outside and after they had retired to the living room, Billy excused himself.

"Don't worry about me." Seth told him, smiling sadly. "I'm going to wait up for Jake." Billy returned the smile in the same way, and said, "I hope you can get through to him, son. The gods know that boy needs a slap upside the head sometimes. In any case, you're welcome to stay the night if need be. In Jacob's room or on the couch if that's what you'd prefer."

Thanks, Billy. Sleep well."

"I hope you do Seth."

Seth didn't sleep.

He stayed up all night, waiting for Jake. And if he was honest, breaking down into silent tears when his feelings overwhelmed and overtook him. But every time, he berated himself. It only made him even more stubborn.

And so he stayed…

Until the morning light… didn't come. When Seth realized it was actually morning, he looked outside only to see it pouring rain. He shivered, feeling even more depressed at the dreary scene outside. He sighed, wrapping his arms around himself in what little comfort he could manage.

He jumped up a moment later, when the sound of the front door opening startled him. His heart pounded in his ears, echoing in his head.

Jake was home.

Said person was stopped dead in his, staring at Seth. Seth stared back, any words he had planned suddenly fleeing.

So they continued to stare in silence. Until, of course…

"Jake…" Seth whispered in awe.

Somehow, in the short time he had not seen him, Jake had grown. Literally. The once lean, skinny Jake with long, sleek black hair, was now a muscled, chiseled _man_ with his hair cropped short. He was shirtless, something Seth had often seen before (take the _moment_ in the car) but never like this. His hair lay flat on his head, wet from the rain. Drops of water were glistening all across his chest, still dripping from his hair.

Seth had definitely never seen Jake like this. He swallowed, feeling hot despite the murky weather.

Jake was still staring, dumbfounded, and Seth suddenly remembered why he was here in the first place. Biting his lips, he hugged himself, all traces of arousal gone.

"Jake… we need to talk."

Jake blinked slowly… and then he was running.

With pain shooting through his chest, Seth ran after him.

"Jake! Jake, wait please!" Jake slowed slightly, but it was enough that Seth was able to grab his arm, pulling at it to get him to stop.

"Jake, please." Seth begged, cursing when his eyes filled with tears "Please, tell me what's going on. I don't know what I did to make you so mad… but please, tell me what I did so I can fix it! I… I don't want you to leave me." Seth was crying, his breath hitching as he tried to calm down and speak clearly.

Then he was surrounded in warmth. Seth broke down, sobbing into Jake's chest as hot, comforting arms wrapped around him. Seth's own arms curled around to clutch at Jake's back as he cried, Jake holding and shushing him.

Finally, he calmed down. He snuggled further into Jake's heat, taking comfort in the contact he had been deprived of. It was heavenly.

Seth sighed, thinking he could fall asleep like this, despite the rain even. All the thoughts of talking to Jake had been pushed to the back of his mind. Nothing was more important than being here with Jake right now.

After what could have been days (but still didn't feel long enough) Seth's curiosity pressed again, and he couldn't shove it out.

Sighing softly, he asked "What did I do. Please. Please tell me."

Suddenly, Jake's arms tightened around him. It was so instantaneous, and the strength behind it made him wonder exactly how strong Jake had gotten while he had… been gone.

Seth gasped when Jake continued squeezing him, making him ache with unexpected pain.

And then he was left bereft and cold when Jake shoved himself away. His eyes were wide with fear and… guilt?

"I'm sorry!" He blurted, hands held out towards Seth as if in self defense. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to. Please… are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

And in that moment, the anger returned.

"Am I okay?! How could you even ask that! Of course I'm not okay!"

Jake flinched violently.

"You left me Jake!"

Jake looked up, surprize flitting across his face for a second, before being replaced with guilt again. "I'm sorry." He whispered. He stared at the ground and Seth stared at him, confusion replacing the anger.

Seth took a deep breath, releasing his anger as he breathed out.

"You left me Jake." He repeated softly. "You left and… And I guess I couldn't deal with it. I missed you so much and you haven't been returning my calls and you won't talk to me and I… I thought you hated me. After what happened that night..."

Jake's head shot up, heartfelt pain in his eyes. "I could never hate you Seth. Never. It don't think I could even if I tried. And I would never try to Seth. But…"

Seth had been waiting for the 'but'.

"But you can't be around me. It's not safe."

This time it was Seth's turn to look up sharply. "Are you serious?" He asked. "It's not you, it's me, right?!" Pain and anger made his voice crack. Tears began falling once again from his swollen eyes "I can't believe you're pulling that, Jake!"

"I can't hurt you!" Jake burst out, intense emotion in his gaze. He swallowed, visibly calming himself before speaking again. "Seth, something happened to me. I can't explain it, but I'm different now. I already know I look different, but it's… deeper than that. I'm dangerous, Seth. Don't you get that! I almost crushed you just now!"

"Jake." Seth pleaded, knowing where this was going.

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you, Seth." Jake pleaded back. "Don't you understand? I'm dangerous."

Seth was about to respond, try to convince Jake that he wouldn't hurt him.

But a long, drawn out, haunting howl interrupted him.

When it tapered off, Seth returned his gaze to Jake, only to find him looking mournfully back into the forest. Where the howl had just come from.

Jake turned around and began to back up. "I'm so sorry Seth. Please don't come after me. If… if you love me… then stay away. Stop… I can't hurt you…" Jake sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "I need to stay away from you. I can't hurt you."

He turned and ran into the forest.

Seth crumbled. He fell to the ground, sobbing as his heart was impaled over and over in pain.

No… that couldn't be possible.  
His heart had just run away from him.

A howl resounded, closer than the first had been. It was heartbreaking, full of grief and melancholy.

It just made him cry harder.

 **Author's Note:**

 **I don't know about you… But that made me cry. I mean, it literally hurt to write that.**

 **These songs got stuck in my head while I was writing. Maybe it's just me, but they kinda fit.**

watch?v=SHFTHDncw0g

watch?v=bLZHcnuqscU


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